You can add this one to your list of totally random fashion skate references. The October 2005 issue of Vogue Magazine has run a photo set of Gwyneth Paltrow being, uhhh, stalked by a suspicously conspicuous skateboard? Not only that, but it appears they solicited a Peralta doppelganger to jump around with Gwyneth in some sort of Pagan ritual celebration.

Hasn't the whole "add a skateboard for coolness factor" thing wained already? Or is it that Vogue is exceptionally slow on the draw? Who knows. What we do know is that Ms. Paltrow evidently reads skateboard magazines while resting in $10,000 haute couture gowns during quiet moments of contemplation, as evidenced by the photo at right. Look close, this Mental reporter thinks that's either The Skateboard Mag or Skateboarder making a cameo appearance, sharing an intimate moment with a cheeseburger and a pot of coffee. We might imagine Gwynneth thinking; "If only Muska had chosen me instead." Of course, that would make Muska lucky. As the alternative is somewhere south of white trash and somewhere north off the poverty line.

Next we have a photo that might lead some to believe that Gwynneth is actually banging Muska, or at least dining with him, and that her Emo husband Chris Martin - of Coldplay - just doesn't measure up on the cool meter anymore. Throw a trucker hat on any star these days and blow, instant Pharell factor. Add the heaqdphones to the picture and you have one intensely Muska-fied environment. Perhaps she's finally voiced her anger at his insistance on naming their daughter Apple. I don't see any other story line here, other than that she is being stalked by an invisible professional skateboarder.

Next we have the jumping photo. Apparently Gwyneth and her skateboarder friends have fun by simultaneously skating and frolicking gayly indoors. If I were the property owner, I'd definitely have a problem with some hippy doing caveman bomb-drops on my Elizabethean rug, but that's just me. The "property" featured here just happens to be the Imperial Suite at the Ritz Paris. This cat isn't wearing the headphones, earthy backpack and trucker hat however, so the whole scenario becomes even more confusing for the lay-person. Maybe she's doing a Spike Jonze movie? Who knows. Dump the hippy.

Lastly we have Gwyneth once more quietly reflecting - no pun intended - with the creepy stalker skateboard in the background. Here she appears left to ponder what kind of damage dating a professional skateboarder has done to her soul. Obviously he's almost always absent, has a poor vocabulary, is slow to react to fashion trends and listens to shitty music when she's trying to have intellectual conversations with him. Poor Gwyneth. Not to fret, I hear Jereme Rogers is single and, from the look of things, quite liberal. Most Massholes are.

Now you tell us your interperetation!